Recently, it seems like everywhere I turn, everyone is complaining about getting old. They hate their grey hair. They hate their bald head. They hate their sagging skin. They hate their wrinkles.

I was never one of those people that hated the idea or reality of getting old. I liked it when I saw a grey hair on my head. When I turned 30, I threw myself a huge party to celebrate entering a new decade. While everyone else was grumbling about getting old, I was excited. I felt like getting older meant having more experiences, becoming wiser, knowing yourself more. All good things.

Before my breast cancer diagnosis, I would laugh at people when they moaned about getting old. But now, after facing a life-threatening illness, I get sad when I hear people talk about how much they hate getting old. All I can think is what a luxury it is to grow old. I actually dream about getting old.

I dream about being 90, sitting on a park bench, talking with friends about how great our lives have been. I dream about being able to live a long life where I feel like I’ve been able to do everything I want. I dream about having children and grandchildren, and getting to watch then grow up.

Nothing is life is guaranteed. I’ve always known that. But now it feels very real and personal, rather than just a saying. So I’m trying to live each day to its fullest and spend time with the people that mean the most to me. Whether I have one more year to live or make it to 90, its a good way to live.

But I just can’t help feeling jealous of those people who complain about getting old. I should be so lucky.